Every sunset feels a little like a death to me, most of all in autumn, as darkness comes earlier and trees grow bare.

Rosy air hosts the last hint of light clinging to crinkled leaves, which cling to stiff branches. The chill returns. Gold lays itself on everything. There’s a thickness, holiness, palpable presence among the trees, above the ground, below the sky. Just as if God really is with us.

Clouds and atmosphere saturated with glory and heaven. And above the mountains on the edge of the earth, I see, as it were, infinite different skies, all hues of marigold, plunging deeper, letting go. The horizon seems to absorb colour. My heartbeats march and my breaths quicken. What is this dance? This giving and letting go, light from ground to treetop to only sky. A fade, at once everlasting and instantaneous.

Darkness.

Night.

One might sit for what seems like millennia in the dark, be it truly night or a night of the soul. I’ve sat in deathy darkness enough times to know what that’s like. For one thing, you can’t see. It’s cold. You can’t act. Your words soak straight into the ground. It’s a shroud, a veil.

Was there ever gold, much less marigold? What is this dance, where goodness slips through my fingers no matter how I cling, and all I have is memory, faded?

God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.

1 John 1:5, ESV

What will I tell myself about this? When the sunset has gone and the birds hush their songs.

I will say, “Soul, tell me this: was there ever a day ended that wasn’t followed by a sunrise?”

And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever.

Revelation 22:5, ESV

When were there ever only sunsets and death?

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.

1 Peter 2:9, ESV

When did your God ever fail? Has He not proved faithful?

And He will swallow up on this mountain the covering that is cast over all peoples, the veil that is spread over all nations. He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of His people He will take away from all the earth, for the Lord has spoken. It will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for Him, that He might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for Him; let us be glad and rejoice in His salvation.”

Isaiah 25:7-9, ESV

It is no mistake that, just before darkness, there is a sunset, with radiant, blazing beauty that serves to make us love the light, even as we cease to see it. No fluke that those colours are engraved on our hearts and memories as we go into the night.

Just as if God really is with us and will not only stay, but will be there on the other side.