It’s amazing, what a headache can do to your brain.
It becomes nigh impossible to finish a thought to completion. Circles. Just circles of words and ideas, switching between them without noticing.
You stare without seeing. You’re not conscious of your consciousness. Then you remember you’re in the airport and you goad your arms into lifting the coffee to your lips again, every swallow bringing you a little closer to human.
There is enough brain to function on a very basic level, so walking can still happen. Picking up the feet enough not to stumble … maybe not. Walking in the right direction … don’t count on it. Basic math and critical thinking are out.
Closing your eyes is easier.
Sometimes you remember to remind God you’re miserable and pray for yourself. Sometimes the haze of pain lifts a little. Sometimes it bears down, heavy, and in those times you realize you depend on God for everything.
Those times show you that you take the most normal things for granted.
For now, you probably feel depressed. But this is an invitation to pray simply. To draw near to the Healer and just exist. No other thoughts or tasks can reach you now – only the grace of God that keeps you breathing.
That grace is a gift; it’s all you have to rest in. It’s there whether the brain clouds clear or not.
It’s what lets you say, “Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.”
Amen.