Author Archives: emily

About emily

I love home in all the ways. I love being content and still pushing ahead to more. I love fresh air and how it makes me realize I'm so small in this great, created universe.

the weary part of the journey

What a whirlwind time of life.  I feel like you’ve finally arrived at adulthood when you realize how difficult it is to just do the bare minimum. Of course, we all have different definitions of that. For us, it consists of working full days, exercising, cooking dinner, keeping home sort of clean-ish, seeing to a few commitments, meeting with people occasionally, and stuff like showering.

I’m not nearly as booked as I was in college. I have no idea who I was then – whence did I draw all that energy? I just don’t recall doing homework that much. I spent very much time with people, and planned lots of events, and trained for half-marathons, and every year I slept less. Senior year this hit me hard and I did a sort of reclusive turnabout. Made for a confusing season in my life where I had to learn who I really was and wanted to be.

Now, I have a better handle on that. I’m acutely aware of my limits, talents, deficiencies, dreams. Knowing my goals allows me to mostly just do the things that align with the vision. Well, some of the things that align with the vision. There’s vastly more I want to do, begin, accomplish, see to. But when I don’t pace myself these days, the consequences hit almost immediately. So I have to learn to be patient with myself and our circumstances.

Part of the struggle is living in this incredible, exhausting city. A soft spot is growing in my heart for it – the greatest surprise of the year! I’m sure I will be sad to leave here one day.

But it makes me so tired. I can hardly believe I used to be annoyed by a 15-minute walk or bike ride to work, or drive across AN ENTIRE TOWN. A visit to my old Waco [TX] land a few weeks ago reminded me of what I used to take for granted, in the way of parking, personal space, and affordability and ease of life in general.

While writing this I’m trying to come up with a purpose for it. I always encourage people to start something without having any idea of where they want to go with it.

Haha.

Every couple of weeks I’m hoping to give updates like this about our home adventures. I have a tendency to want to end my posts with a wrap-up message or conclusion, but not everything comes together that neatly in life, so why should it here? I’m not really doing this to provide you with sermons every few days.

Life together has to involve vulnerability and openness to hard things. With that in mind, here’s a snapshot of what we’ve been up to, and, friend, wouldn’t you let me in on your adventures too? What have you learned about life full of things? About patience and being tired?

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In July, we celebrated our first wedding anniversary! This adorable card is thanks to my sweet sister. She always makes adorable cards.

In July, we celebrated our first wedding anniversary! This adorable card is thanks to my sweet sister. She always makes adorable cards.

At the end of August, we woke up early Saturday morning and drove north into glory.

At the end of August, we woke up early Saturday morning and drove north into glory.

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Our campsite at a beach. Behind hubs to your left is a deer head and bag of entrails or whatever hanging on a pole. Just hanging. Really set the mood.

Our campsite at a beach. Behind hubs to your left is a deer head and bag of entrails or whatever hanging on a pole. Just hanging. Really set the mood.

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Our beach. It felt so quiet, and lonely.

Beginning of September, I returned to Waco for the first time in over a year. While I had so many wonderful moments, this one may have been most profound. I sat in Robbins Chapel, a place where I grew to know God over the course of years. This place means so much to me.

Beginning of September, I returned to Waco for the first time in over a year. While I had so many wonderful moments, this one may have been most profound. I sat in Robbins Chapel, a place where I grew to know God over the course of years. This place means so much to me.

 

A couple weeks ago we bought our tickets to Italy for our trip in June! Hubs knows how to work the credit card miles strategy, and it is a gift, let me tell you. This is us just after making it official.

A couple weeks ago we bought our tickets to Italy for our trip in June! Hubs knows how to work the credit card miles strategy, and it is a gift, let me tell you. This is us just after making it official.

 

We are experiencing some great things, and struggling through others. We’re trying to figure out community and how to pursue it at church. Hubs starts full-time classes today, and he’s also in the midst of a potential transition at work.

More and more we see how much the small decisions matter in efforts to prevent breakdown. This is a season of feeling tired and of needing great patience with one another and the world around us. I don’t have any pictures of us feeling that because who takes pictures of themselves when they’re fighting or crying? Those things still happen, and it will never be my intention to hide them.

Those of you who feel like us, let’s do this together. If you’re encountering something different, we others need your encouragement and wisdom. The most comforting thing for me in all this is knowing we’re part of God’s big story, His great adventure.

And here is where you find me.

 

 

how to be[gin]

When I write on Mondays, I want to talk about our state of being, and how we are meant to live. Society and culture everywhere lacks some or other of what God calls us to. There is so much glory and goodness awaiting us!

Since this is the first post of its kind here, I want to recall an older post theme, because it is, I believe, where we have to start. This is from April 2012, my first year of grad school. Who was I back then? I don’t even remember.

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I have learned over the past two semesters a tremendous amount about myself and, infinitely more importantly, about God. Through class? Well, maybe a bit. But mostly, I have learned through encountering difficulties, experiences, and relationships that have acted as agents in God’s brilliant plan to kill me so that I may live (Romans 8:13 tells us we will live if, by the Spirit, we put to death the deeds of the body). And that I may live for His glory, not for myself.

 Side note: Paradox is a given in the things of God, even at the most elemental level: Christ, the Son of God, was also human. God is just and merciful. If you stop trying to meet your needs, your needs will be met (Matthew 6:33). If you try to save your life, you’ll lose it, but if you lose your life you will keep it (Luke 17:33). You can call them contradictions if you like, but by God’s doing they are not incompatible truths. Have you ever asked anyone a question with two options, and they answer, “Yes”? I think it’s a little bit like that. In each of these statements, both clauses are true; they do not exclude one another. I am not a philosopher, so I will not attempt a lengthier discussion of paradox and premises and all that. At any rate, God is far above philosophy, which can never fully understand nor explain the ways of God. Isaiah 55:8-9: For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.

One foundational thing God has done and is doing is renewing my comprehension of His sovereignty. I have been awed by His might, His forgiveness, His sweetness, His fearsomeness, His grace. I have seen how tiny I am. And what a mystery, that this all-powerful and holy God has loved a weak and blemished creature like me. It is beautiful to be loved by your parents, friends, siblings, mentors, beloveds, children. But of such greater magnitude and wonder is it to be loved by Love Himself, infinite God, humble Saviour, gracious Spirit. O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like You, in heaven above or on earth beneath, keeping covenant and showing steadfast love to Your servants who walk before You with all their heart… (I Kings 8:23)

There is none like God, O Jeshurun, Who rides through the heavens to your help, through the skies in His majesty. The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms… (Deuteronomy 33:26-27)   The fact that God is Who He is gives my life meaning. It is the overarching Truth, under which come myriad other truths, which all are part of this one Truth. I mean that the truth about my identity comes from God being Who He is. The truth about my salvation comes from God being Who He is. And the truth about how I ought to live comes from this Truth as well.

Through this understanding, I have come to believe that if we understand God’s sovereignty, we may approach a more robust and peaceful understanding of how to be. In other words, God’s sovereignty is our serenity. If we have a proper view of God, His character, person, and authority, our paradigm may be renewed as we learn how to rightly love Him. Sovereignty changes everything.

The Monday posts will be part of a series about the many areas in our lives that are transformed when we live intentionally acknowledging God’s sovereignty. I write this series rather selfishly, because I want to benefit from such transformation and need to learn the things I am going to write. My hope is that, by writing and reading and thinking and learning and praying, you and I will both come to a deeper knowledge of the person of Christ. I don’t mean knowing about Him; I mean knowing Him. The former is historian’s work, and we should possess such knowledge, but if we stop there, we may still hear Him say, “Depart from Me, I never knew you.” Let us seek to know God, if such an audacious thing may be said by a human. I think that’s what He wants – for us to know Him, and to glorify Him on the earth. May that be our heart’s cry and our utmost desire.

When I wrote that sovereignty changes everything, I meant it. More and more ideas to write about keep occurring to me, more facets of my life that need the transforming knowledge of the sovereignty of God to manifest itself. Eventually I’ll run out of things to say, but not for a long time. I am eager to begin this journey, and I hope it is a blessing to you, reader, as well.

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I’ll be reliving some other old posts the next several Mondays, because I can’t stand to leave them behind. Not for any merit of the writing itself, but for the sake of the theme and content.

And you, friend, please join me. If these are conversations that draw you in some way, please, reply, question, challenge, affirm, all of that. I need your voice in my story.

small things … whereby we make a little home

Are you a steady consistent person, or someone who goes all in for one thing and lets other things slide while doing that one thing excellently?

I am both.

What I mean is that I really aim for being consistent and cultivating a good, healthy rhythm. I try to be measured and slow and thoughtful in how I approach life. But then an idea takes over and if I don’t think about it, I forget I was doing anything else. This one thing in this one moment is what I now need to do.

Then I come out of that and think, “Tired. Now I’m tired.” Sometimes it yields a good result, and other times I regret that exuberance – I can allow it to draw me to something that in reality is not a high priority for me, or at least not next to many other things.

Is one better than the other?

Can’t say. I see  benefits in each. The first, because I believe it creates a safe place, allows for hard work and deep rest, and involves self-discipline. The second, because really cool things can result from you pouring all your energy into something.

This all comes out of my desire to make our home homey. What I really want – let’s get real – is to have all the perfect things for our home right now and have them in there and get rid of the annoying stuff and it’s all beautiful.

But then, what about the home MAKING process? Oh and what about our money? Hah.

It can’t all be finished today. But there are some days when you can blitz and sing a new song through the beauty of your home, and this week I took a couple of evenings to put in that time. I wanted to share some of it with you! (By the way, showing you this, friend, makes me anxious. Vulnerability has many faces.)

Probably my favourite  mantle theme yet.

Probably my favourite mantle theme yet. Feather stickers on the wall from Target, wood-looking candles from World Market. Tiny bottles, old painting, old suitcase – inherited.

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Our coffee table got a little taste of colour from fabric used at our wedding reception, accented by a print of a painting done by my aunt! And a rock I found on a backpacking trip in Mendocino National Park.

On the hearth of our non-functioning fireplace, some more flowers and a lone candlestick. Guitars always make for good decor.

On the hearth of our non-functioning fireplace, some more flowers and a lone candlestick. Guitars always make for good decor.

Shiny!

Shiny!

Bathroom needs a little love and character too.

Bathroom needs a little love and character too. That ceramic leaf is from a Montana artisan!

Dressing up kitchen shelves. Weck canning jars from World Market.

Dressing up kitchen shelves. Weck canning jars from World Market.

Basically, I bought so so many flowers. Then I found shiny things and rustic things and made a happy family all over our apartment.

Basically, I bought so so many flowers. Then I found shiny things and rustic things and made a happy family all over our apartment.

My hope in sharing this with you is to give you courage to do what you are meant to do, and to share it regardless of how incredibly imperfect it is. Here’s another example: I’m slightly terrified of holding my words out to you. What if you can’t stand them? What if they’re wrong?

Things will never be truly complete, and that’s just not the nature of the life God has for us anyway, in this current world. But for now I’m pretty happy with our comfy autumnal nest. I always find things to improve; that’s the curse and blessing of being a developer. Living with one might be difficult? Sorry, hubs.

Home, the physical, does matter. We are beings that touch and feel, and we see. We get to cultivate beauty all around us! I’m learning that this privilege shouldn’t be a source of stress, but one of joy and ease. We go as we are led, and we each create in our own way.

I’m hoping to grow in my rhythm-ability, so that I create with discipline and depth. But sometimes, y’all, the muses take control.

And yes, after all this, I am tired. Some things don’t change. 🙂