Author Archives: emily

About emily

I love home in all the ways. I love being content and still pushing ahead to more. I love fresh air and how it makes me realize I'm so small in this great, created universe.

Emanuel, the true nature of the journey

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Now, more than ever, do I need to hear my own words to you about our true Home.

In a month, we’ll be living in a different state. Hubs got the job, and it’s in Seattle! Things have fallen in pleasant places for us; we get moving assistance, housing assistance, and the seminary is there too.

This is the last month we have here and it is hitting me in all sorts of inexplicable ways. Like, I’m a bit terrified, but I’m butterfly-excited, but I’m deeply sad and wistful, yet I want to get this transition over with, and also I want it to last so I can soak in these last days. SO basically I’m paralyzed.

This human is kind of a mess right now.

But what I firmly believe is that God is my one real thing, our only true rest and shelter. In His presence I am Home.

We’re never really settled in this world, in this life. We can entrench ourselves into a house we buy and never leave a community, but all this will pass. The life we build around ourselves is about to disappear.

…….

I struggle when so much is shifting. The routine and rhythm I love to have is sort of out the window as we try to see all the people and do all the final things. There are some certain things in the future, but January is not included. I feel like I’m downhill skiing on a black diamond run with a deadline and moguls. I’m not at ease when I ski, because I focus so much on controlling every muscle movement and ski placement. Why? I. hate. falling.

To avoid one of my least favourite sensations, I put everything into consciously turning, bending my knees, correcting my balance. All whilst traveling at a high speed because there’s only so much time and anyway, the sooner we get done that’s less time I have to spend skiing.

I’m thinking about too many things, and everything is changing, and I have to stay on top of myself or I will just crash.

There, I’m talking like someone who doesn’t know about Jesus.

I’m pretending I control all this. Reader, welcome to my every day. Oops.

………

So much is shifting, and unforeseen challenges are bound to present themselves. And yes, it’s all coming at us very quickly.

There’s just one teeny tiny life-changing truth: God is sovereign.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His Name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.*
The circumstances don’t change when you acknowledge God. What changes is your reality. Maybe this is a mogul field and I’m moving downhill faster than I care to. But now my reality is God leads me, restores me, comforts me, provides for me, protects me. I will fear nothing as long as I am with Him, so I guess that means fearing nothing forever.
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There is stillness to be found in this Saviour. He is the only sure thing while all else flies past and the terrain constantly changes.
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Today is Epiphany, the day that commemorates Jesus’ manifestation in human form to the Gentiles. In a way, today He becomes known to us as Emanuel, God with us, all of us. So to ease my weary soul, I can most truly say I believe that Home is wherever He’s with us, and He says He is with us always, even to the end of the age.**
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* my paraphrase of Psalm 23 from memory
** Matthew 28:20

small things … the home we were made for

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This life, y’all.

We’re wanderers and settlers. We are at once building something and traversing time. We stay and leave.

And I don’t know if you’re like me but I want rest and adventure both. Because even though I can feel cozy at home and in others’ homes and can provide shelter for those who need it, including this family, this isn’t everything.

There’s a restless heart in me, and it wants a bigger, galactic, richer, softer, whole-er Home. The one I create is but a reflection, just as we are not God but are in His image.

It’s a shadow of the real thing, just as this world is but a shadow of the newness to come when God sweeps in and breathes afresh to make the new heavens and earth.

And the glimpses of God’s presence here on this old, dark, beautiful-and-marred earth. They’re like the keyhole glance into a place of glory. Mind you, I think when we sense that presence, we’re not looking through the hole into a room, but rather out of this limited space to a grand infinity all filled by God Himself.

That theoretical outside, the place I’ll be sooner than I realize, is Home. Even here we understand the concept of a person being home to us. How much greater will we grasp it when we’re face to face with the Creator of concept and people and faces.

And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light will the nations walk, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it, and its gates will never be shut by day—and there will be no night there. [Revelation 21:22-25]

We won’t need a temple or a home or a sun. Now, we have places of worship and stars to give life and light. Now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. [1 Corinthians 13:12]

We need these now, and once we know God, we see how these teach us about Him. We see that they reflect His glory and power and love.

But then, my dear. Then, God will be our only Home and light.

Here’s the thing. Followers of Christ are meant to display what life is meant to be like. So we are the ones who practice the kingdom. We are the ones who live as though the future were already here.

We’re granted to show people glimpses through keyholes.

And beyond the glimpse, we can only imagine.

…

Then Frodo kissed Merry and Pippin, and last of all Sam, and went aboard; and the sails were drawn up, and the wind blew, and slowly the ship slipped away down the long grey firth; and the light of the glass of Galadriel that Frodo bore glimmered and was lost. And the ship went out into the High Sea and passed on into the West, until at last on a night of rain Frodo smelled a sweet fragrance on the air and heard the sound of singing that came over the water. And then it seemed to him that as in his dream in the house of Bombadil, the grey rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back, and he beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise. [J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King]

The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning. And as he spoke, He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before. [C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle]
All Scripture from English Standard Version

the walk … the ultimate home and who’s looking for it

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to the people I saw on the way to and from the gym …

… I see you, students with smiles and grown-up demeanor, making plans and spending quality time with friends. You’re attractive and young, and you have so much going for you, in the eyes of the world. You have no idea how blessed you are. And you are loved.

… I see you, man with no home and one set of dirty clothes. You’ve been here such a long time, and probably people avoid you, avoid looking at you. You might be terribly lonely, and lost. You might be a wonderful guy with deep love in your heart. You might be hurting and hungry. But you are loved.

… I see you, girl with quick pace and high-end shopping bag, chatting away on the phone. You have a life full of things and people. You have places to go and a certain reputation. You seem confident and intent, and you might be. Or you might be wandering and just trying to keep going. Either way, you are loved.

… I see you, man clutching your cigarette like a permanent accessory. I can’t stay near you long for want of air, but you maybe haven’t thought of that sort of thing. You might be a successful person, a great friend. You might be such a hard worker, or someone struggling with your life circumstances. You should stop smoking, but regardless, you are loved. No doubts about it.

… I see you, everyday-diligent woman. You’re trying to make it. You look a little tired but like you have a sense of who you are. Your face is beautiful, even though you might not think so. You seem an earnest person. You are so loved.

… I see you, gentleman with drugs filling you. You are wearing your shirt on your head and you look dazed. You don’t know that my heart falls into pieces upon seeing you, because I want you to know that your life is worth more than you think. Your soul is invaluable. I see you, woman yelling obscenities through your haze of substance. You don’t quite know what you’re doing. You are a daughter and perhaps a mother, a sister. You don’t know that you’re unbelievably loved.

… I see you, fellow with expensive suit and coat. Your days are filled with important things and important people, and I hope equally with important memories and joys. You have yourself to support, and maybe a family. I can’t even fathom the pressures you face daily. No matter how you prioritize the things you value, you are irrevocably loved.

… I see you, cute young couple observing people and goings-on around you. You’re whispering and sharing sweet moments, and your arms are around each other. You have found someone, for however long, who you basically adore. You should know that you are loved even more by Someone else.

… I see you, darling elderly woman, walking with determination and a cane. Your hair is beautifully white, and it is so regal. You may be hunching over these days, but you wear a crown. You have given so much of your life to other people and yet maintained your strength. I admire your courage to get yourself around this ridiculous city. You are cherished and loved.

… I see you, security guard who watches other people enjoy themselves while you work. I hope it’s not too presumptuous, but you don’t look like you enjoy your job. I hope one day you are healthy and happy. You too are loved.

… I see you, greying wife with sad or angry eyes. When I smiled at you, you only raised your eyebrows. There is much going on deep within you. You are a wonder and a gift, if only you knew. Don’t you see, you are loved.

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Is there any hope for a world like this? Oh, I do believe so. He is already here, He is waiting. He is loving.

But how will they know He loves them? 

We are all looking for home, a place we belong and can rest. God is Home, and He invites you in. He invites them in.

Shall we extend the invitation?

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