When I write on Mondays, I want to talk about our state of being, and how we are meant to live. Society and culture everywhere lack some or other of what God calls us to. There is so much glory and goodness awaiting us! I have this idea for a series of posts that discusses how the life of a Christian should 1) reflect Truth about God and 2) demonstrate an abiding in Him through bearing fruit. The first post is here. I don’t mean the posts to be lectures, because they are actually the outpourings of what I have learned and of how God has corrected me. I am one who needs an extraordinary deal of re-shaping, and all I hope to do is share the resulting thoughts with you. I eagerly welcome your wisdom and engagement in these discussions.
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I’ve had a little wake-up call. It’s not exactly what you would call pleasant.
Even those of us who decry the prosperity gospel, with its claims and promises, affection for wealth and wellness — even we still have a sense we deserve to be healed.
We still bemoan our suffering and are discontent when we feel we lack something we need or want. But Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (and all martyrs) chose suffering and chose to trust God, regardless of the outcome. They fully acknowledged the possibility that God wouldn’t save them. And Abraham trusted God to provide the sacrifice even though he fully planned to obey God’s command to kill his son. There seems not to have been much time for complaints about comfort. And God saved Isaac, and saved the three from the fire. But then there’s Jesus. He asked for relief, but simultaneously chose to obey and submit to suffering, to the point of pain and death.
And He died (oh also He crushed death). So what makes us think we merit freedom from pain? We spend so much time and money and effort trying to control our pain levels. Trying to escape discomfort. Trying to lengthen our lives and preserve ourselves. Did God ask us to do any of that? Or did Christ say we must deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow him?
Well of course He did. It’s a direct quote from Scripture.¹ But how often do we let our hearts accept the enemy’s deception: “Did God really say…?” (Genesis 3)
This is me. I brush over what God really said. Because I am running from the pain. Here are two places I struggle.
- I have chronic headaches and migraines. I’m now working with a doctor to determine the causes and find solutions. I used to contract sinus infections and respiratory stuff in college, and somehow during those times I often grew closer to God. He was my only refuge. Sometimes I couldn’t speak because of how messed up my throat and breathing were. But He was always there. My headaches do the same thing to me. They isolate me from others to an extent, and they make my thinking fuzzy, and they make me want to cry. Medicine is ineffective, and often sleep is too. God is all I have when I’m in that dark, alone place in pain.
I’m trying to find a way out, an escape from these aches. Until today I hadn’t considered the possibility that I may never get away. But what if? What if there’s no future permanent relief? It’s never been promised to me. I think I need it, but I didn’t make myself so I just don’t fully know my own needs. My deepest needs, the ones that are more important than temporary pain relief.
2. Here’s another one. Sleep really impacts me. If I sleep for fewer than 7.5 hours at night, I inevitably suffer the next day. Headache, body ache, mental fog, emotional sensitivity. If I know I won’t be sleeping long enough, I become anxious and my mood sours. It stays that way when I wake up. I worry not only about the day ahead, but also about how my life could be shortened by insufficient sleep. So I try to plan so I can sleep enough. It just matters so much to me.
But that word: insufficient.
I don’t know why I’m so sensitive to so many environmental and physical things. I don’t know why, but I see how God is using it to teach me throughout my life. I’m one who seems to need re-teaching a lot. I don’t remember stuff too well, or I just can’t get it down (ask my husband about driving a standard or understanding the stock market and credit). I’m highly sensitive, and physical things affect me greatly. I find I’m so discontent when I am sleep-deprived or in pain. I find it terribly hard to be grateful or even hopeful. I’m becoming pretty familiar with a certain level of moody darkness, in my little misery bubble.
But that word: deprived.
Am I really the one to determine what’s sufficient? Am I the one to decide what I deserve? God has already told me:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”
Sufficiency doesn’t include comfort. It doesn’t exclude suffering. It is only about God’s grace.
Paul had a thorn in his side (whatever that means). Sounds like the worst. But he said, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”²
Somehow Paul knew that the pain he was given was to prevent him from becoming conceited. I don’t know why each of us encounters our trials. Mine remind me how dependent I am on Christ for my very life.
So here and now, I want to say something, and I pray my heart eventually catches up: If this be so, my God whom I serve is able to deliver me from various physical sufferings, and He will deliver me out of this pain. But if not, be it known to you, headaches, and you, Satan, that I will not serve my strong desires for — or worship — relief.³
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Lest you conclude that I’m claiming God wants us to be miserable, let me clarify. God indeed made a perfect world long ago. God’s intent for us and for all creation was to be at peace with the creator. Although there is brokenness today, Jesus died to bring us back to God, to be at peace once more. And I staunchly believe that the purpose of the Church is to work toward that shalom in the world. But there’s still an important question regarding the condition of our desires:
Am I seeking relief from pain more than I’m seeking His kingdom? My answer breaks my own heart.
Yes. I am. Lord, have mercy.
These are the areas where I doubt God’s provision, where I fear insufficiency. For you it might be financial, or relational, or health, or a loss of someone/something priceless, or power. Remember that God says God’s grace is sufficient. Remember God’s crazy love. God doesn’t really give a baseline for anything else we need, except to seek that kingdom first. All other needs (which God determines) will be met. We really just need God. Christ provides Himself, and the Holy Spirit remains with us, which is enough, by a long shot. There is so much hope just in God.
How, then, shall we be?
content amidst discomfort.
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¹Matthew 16:24
²2 Corinthians 12:9
³see Daniel 3:17-18 for a comparable statement
